What Am I?

(originally posted in Jan.2009)


New
Unblemished
Wide eyed innocence.


I love
I offer my heart
My soul
My All
I am broken.

I choose
A life of pain
A punishment
For believing I am worthy.
I am unloved.

I am
Beaten down
Shattered
Like glass.
I am broken.

I am used.
I am abused.
I cannot find the light
Inside myself
I am lost.

I bring new life
Into the world
Not one
But two
I am responsible.

I must choose
Better
I must choose
Right
I am a mother.

I find
A spark of light
Inside myself
and stand.
I am courageous.

I cry a lot
I doubt myself
I am afraid
and yet I try
I am tenacious.

I find a hope
Inside myself
For something more
A new beginning.
I am healing.

I take a journey
I learn
I grow
I understand
I am a woman.

I lay the past
To rest
and walk toward
A future
I am faith.

I hope and dream
I wait and wait
and want
and I believe
I am ready.

I meet a man
Who fills my soul
My heart
With faith and trust
I am loved.

He retrieves the pieces
of my broken heart
and fits them
back together
I am mended.

A new joy begins
Making family complete
But instead
A loss so deep
I am sorrow.

And once more
Inside myself
No hope no reason
No desire
I am lost.

Somehow again
I face forward
I start anew
I have purpose again
I am mom.

Slowly they begin
To drift into
Lives of independence
and my purpose becomes hazy
I am confused.

Now deeper
Than ever before
I am sinking into
Despair.
I am the deep BLUE funk.


I need something more
I need a purpose
I wallow in
Self-pity
I am aware.

Then by fate
Or destiny
I find another piece of myself
A joy, a shining light
I am awake.

I must find
Another purpose
I must find a new reason
Stay up and stay awake
I am rising.

I hunt
for what I do not know
And then I find
The center of myself.
I am found.

Then I learn
That I am more
Than I ever knew I was
To many and in truth
I am beauty.

In learning Who I am
I have also come to understand
I deserve everything
I am worthy and
I am LOVE.

I need not be ashamed
Of who I am
Or apologize
For what I believe.
I am a queen.

©2009 KD Bissonette